Sarahletter #5
You've Probably Been Going to Parties Wrong, The Newsroom, more cooking....
“And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.”—Colossians 3:23-24 KJV
Everyone recognizes the difficulty of being a good hostess, and hosting is a glamorous affair. The hostess sets the tone of the event and adorns her home, table, and person to match. Her guests hand her bouquets and bottles of wine as they enter and compliment her home and cooking. She has no choice but to flit through the room and talk to everyone, because everyone wants to talk to her. She is secure, lauded, and helped at every juncture. At the end of the night, some nice young men she does not know well take out the trash and she sends them home with some leftovers (this part might be specific to my housemates and I).
The guest enters the party insecure, unsure of who she will know, unsure whether her outfits hits the right notes, worried someone else brought the same appetizer, hoping the hostess does not already have flowers. Can she help the hostess in the kitchen? She would like nothing more than to chop some parsley right now, but unless the hostess is a particularly sympathetic one, she will answer with some polite version of “please go back to the living room.”
In a milieu like Sarahletter’s, hosting is valued so highly it becomes a competition, but little thought is given to how the beneficiaries of hospitality should act. Yet if a mark of a fully formed woman is hosting well, a woman who takes a high view of her friends must expect to frequently receive the hospitality of others.
In a context where hospitality is a social currency, a competent socialite must be a gracious guest. Hospitality as a way of life will become unsustainable for a community that does not expect anything of the attendee. Attendance itself must become an art. In this Sarahletter I want to talk about just one aspect of right attendance.
“Wherever you are, be all there.”—Jim Elliot
The first thing about being a good guest is that you have to be there. Have you ever responded to an invitation with something like “I have another party to attend that night, but I will try to make an appearance!” Make an appearance? “I am sorry, the congressman has a speaking engagement that night, but the trucking lobby is such an important voting demographic, of course he will make an appearance at the banquet.” That is what you sound like when you say you will make an appearance!
Some parties are open houses where guests are expected to come and go, but I am afraid we have allowed the ethos of “making an appearance” into even our intimate gatherings. People who should be attending a party because they are a part of a community are instead appearing to curate a social presence. A perpetual appearance-maker will end up with a breadth of people to chat with at happy hours and nobody to pick her up from the airport. She spares herself the discipline of whole conversations at the cost of being a part of the community. She relies on others to constitute “the party” so she can consume it.
In light of this, I propose we limit each party attendee to one (1) party per night. As things now stand, we are faced with a collective action problem in which guests are incentivized to appear at multiple parties to see as many friends as possible. This limit will restore supply (hosting) and demand (attending) to their rightful balances and transform parties into hubs where guests can see everyone in the community. Of course on the margins this will lead to some difficult choices, but I think it will also lead to well-ordered living. You should have to pick between your two best friends who hate each other but share the same birthday. We have reached the point of diminishing returns on hosting gatherings, but there are heights of togetherness and depths of friendship ripe for harvesting by generous attendees.
Visited The Newsroom in Dupont Circle, inspired by Emma Collins’ essay in praise of its glorious clutter. I found it exactly how she had described it: maximalist, exhaustive, a kluge, a delight. It had Robitussin and A Code of Jewish Ethics and dozens of mini American flags and stacks of the Wall Street Journal. I did not understand why it was there or how it stayed but I enjoyed my visit and bought Home by Marilynne Robinson and this summer’s Magnolia magazine.
When I left, I was confused about how The Newsroom stays in business or what their business even is. Between shelves of used books, stacks of newspapers on the floor, a lot of cough medicine, and scattered stuffed animals and figurines, I could not even tell which items were for sale. I started reading Google reviews and found some of them moving:
This is an incredible store for someone who cares about their news. They have a wide selection of magazines, not just American but international as well. They also have a wide selection of newspapers. And, here's the best part: if they don't have the newspaper you want, they will print off the full edition for you. They have access to thousands of newspapers from around the world in their database. No matter what you're looking for, this is the place to find it.
I came upon this amazing shop while searching for a hard copy of the Atlantic for my Mom while she’s visiting because she wanted a specific article. I was surprised to find it’s nearly impossible to find hard copies of news in most of DC! I went to Kramer’s bookshop, but they don’t carry magazines. They pointed me to the Newsroom. What a gem! I felt like I was back in the Dupont Circle of two decades ago before all the franchises came in and Chipotlified everything. I had a lovely chat with the Kenyan and Guatemalan owners and ended up getting a bunch of magazines and newspapers. They were so kind- they gave me free recent copies of the Atlantic for my mom. There is something so soothing and cathartic about the smell and vibe of a news shop, and being able to turn pages and really take in content. I’ll definitely be back!
Does anyone else yearn to unchipotlify DC? The owner replies to every review, and he says online that their business supports “charity work in Guatemala.” I wonder why he gives no details about this. I will have to go back and ask.
Baked a blueberry lemon goat cheese sourdough loaf. I have been contemplating this since my friend sent me an Instagram reel on the topic November 2023. Once I finally put my hand to the plough, I did not turn back. I walked a couple miles visiting three different grocery stores looking for the blueberry goat cheese. At the third grocery store, I paid $11.49, likely subsidizing three shopliftings. I loosely followed Mrs. Acts of Sourdough from Instagram’s recipe, but I used the whole goat cheese log and added lemon zest.
The dough was wet and difficult to work with but the final outcome was delicious and beautiful and I assume deeply nourishing.
Hosted some friends for a little dinner party. I made breaded pan fried chicken breasts for my first time, loosely following this recipe from the Times. I made a variety of mistakes, so no one needs to hear from me about that.
Some people down the street moved away this month and they gave away a lot of old clothing and housewares, including some plastic salad bowls molded in the shape of leaves of lettuce. I finally to use my new lettuce bowl to serve Kenji’s caesar salad.
Recently I have been looking at pictures of rhubarb desserts that look like this:
After visiting Eastern Market and three grocery stores in search of rhubarb, I gave up and got apricots and raspberries at Trader Joe’s. In Perelandra, the Green Lady says “the fruit we are eating is always the best fruit of all.” How right she was.
I used Better Homes and Gardens’ pastry for single crust pie, but if I made it again I would recommend a nut-based tart crust like this one. I filled it with frangipane: a cup of almonds, a quarter cup of sugar, a quarter cup of butter, a pinch of salt, an egg, and vanilla. I used vanilla bean paste, which is definitely not worth the money. I topped it with halved apricots, raspberries, orange zest, lemon zest, and Turbinado sugar.
—s
Yes!! The DC socialite party circuit has always bothered me and I've never quite realized why until now. I think you're right that the political approach has seeped into our party ethos. Also, that tart looks divine!